Cherish Every Moment of Every Day, Isaan Style.

Well I am back, well not really and it has only been a month but seems a lot longer. The last month I have enjoyed spending a lot more time with my niece Nong Ja in the afternoons and limiting my computer work to around 3 or 4 hours in the evening.

Tonight I have an empty house as all my girls have gone to the village and I have wrapped up everything that needs to be done. There isn’t a lot on TV now and do have an amazing but sad post to share.

Where shall I start? At the beginning I suppose is a good place!

Wednesday just gone I dropped Ja off at school, went and played 9 holes of golf, returned home and did some work on the computer. Went and picked Ja up from school and then spent the afternoon playing games, reading books, a trip to the supermarket, pretty much what we do nearly every day.

Around 5.30pm Ja and I were having a bath and playing silly games, making pretend food, blowing bubbles (not the air or G I Joe kind). Ja is hard to get out of the bath and often I will have to top up the bath a few times with hot water as it cools.

We were making noise and laughing like fools when Noot appeared at the door with tears streaming down her face. I didn’t even get a chance to ask, “what is wrong?’ when she blurted out, “Ging’s fiancé is dead.” Ging is one of Noot’s 4 closest friends from university. She was one of the group that often came over to our house to study, eat, watch TV or just chat.

She wandered off as I am sure she was in a bit of shock. Ja was asking me why Noot was crying and I had to tell her Noot’s friend was sick.

Ja and I stayed in the bath a while longer and Noot came back once said that she had called Ging but she couldn’t understand her. I told Noot to just give it a little bit of time as I could not imagine what Ging was going through as she was only 24.

When Noot first said that he (Mai) had died I thought it had to have been an accident as he is only 22 (nearly 23 I now know). So when I asked what had happened and Noot said something to do with his heart I was speechless and thought it couldn’t be right. He was a healthy, non smoking and drinking kid.

We finished our bath and Noot was on the phone to other friends and Ja and I just went about our usual routine. Finally Noot got onto Ging and was able to talk to her. Ging was a wreck as you could only imagine and the worst was she was in her home village near Kantharalak about 80 klms away from Ubon and her fiancé was at his family’s farm 20klms away from Ubon Ratchathani in a different direction.

Noot filled on bits of different information as the evening went on and I asked questions that I should of known she would not have known the answers to. Did his family have a history of heart problems? Had he complained of feeling sick? Noot had said he had been out cutting rice all day and had not long returned home when he collapsed and died. Did he have heat stroke? All these stupid questions I asked Noot as I just couldn’t believe he had a heart attack.

I got Ja off to bed around 8.30pm and then watched some TV, Noot was on Facebook talking to her friends. Around 10.30pm Noot had a phone call from Ging asking if we could go and pick her up in the morning. I of course said that we could and the time of 5am was arranged so that meant we would leave about 4am.

I asked Noot why didn’t Ging get on the first bus from Kantharalak and we would get her from the bus station when Noot told me that they were having the cremation tomorrow at 2pm in the afternoon. Again my mind was blown.

“Why so fast? I asked. Noot said she had no idea. I finally hit the sack around 11pm and couldn’t sleep and Noot came to bed around 11.30pm and as I laid there thinking and not sleeping I said to Noot. “Let’s go get Ging now!”

Noot virtually jumped out of bed. Really! I will call her. She was on the phone in a flash and just before midnight we were on our way to Kartharalak. Ben had jumped into bed with Ja and she would be none the wiser unless she stirred through the night which was highly unlikely as she loves her sleep.

We were on the road and Noot asked me, “do you know where to go? To which I replied “Yes, of course.” Noot had no idea as she had never been to Kantharalak or around that area. One of the first stops just on the way out of Ubon was at a service station for a hot coffee and a few lollies.

We chatted on the way and I tried to get more information but Noot didn’t have a lot of answers and before we knew it we were 20klms out of Kantharalak. Ging had told us her village name and Noot even wrote it down in Thai but I couldn’t find it on the GPS but said it couldn’t be that hard to find, surely.

The girls agreed that we should wait at the PTT service station just outside of the city. We arrived around 1am and went inside the 7 Eleven. I got another coffee, a toasted sandwich and Noot a hot Milo and hotdogs and salad. We sat outside and waited.

Time clicked by and 1.30am came and went and Noot called Ging and she said she was on the way and they were stopping for petrol and would be there soon. I asked where she was and she asked if I knew the market in Kantharalak. Of course as it is a large market and virtually in the centre of town and could have met there but never mind.

While we were sitting there a 2 door Toyota pulls up in front of us, next to our car right outside 7 Eleven. The doors open and out falls a 50 plus Thai guy absolutely pissed to the rafters and then two young girls drag themselves out as well and are not in much better condition. They stagger off into 7 Eleven and I had a huge grin and a chuckle and Noot just said in Thai, “they are crazy.”

So we sat talking and agreed they were definitely karaoke girls and were having a laugh when a hacking cough, actually more like a dry retch came from the car. Next minute from somewhere in the back seat there was movement and a body fell out onto the concrete.

Well I couldn’t help but laugh, Noot was shocked and shaking her head. This girl was absolutely smashed. She continued to try and vomit and I kept of chuckling away. Her friends returned and tried to pick her up but failed. So they left her laying there and they sat down and ate their noodles.

The guy tried to get the smashed one back into the car but had no luck. He then told the other girls to get in but this also fell on deaf ears. He eventually started the car, the other girls got up and shoveled the hammered girl back into the car and they were off. Well nearly.

He reversed back and then stopped, then reversed back some more and stopped. Then finally went forward but stalled the car. I was laughing, it was bloody funny. He tried to start the car in gear and it bunny hopped forward. I wish I had my video camera. Finally they were on their way and to absolutely top it off, the smashed girl somehow had her head out the passenger side window retching.

The time had passed quickly and it was getting on towards 2am. Noot was going to call Ging again when a new looking 4wd pulled up and Ging and her younger brother got out. Ging asked Noot if she had some baht in change. I straight away saw red. Not at Ging but this driver. It was only after a few seconds and I pulled my head in that this woman was probably the local taxi for the village and available for rent, just like a real taxi here in Ubon and there are no free rides here.

There were no tears, but Ging looked spent. We were on our way before we knew it and I sat and just listened to the girls talking. One thing that Ging kept saying was ‘she was scared to stay at Mai’s house.” She never cried but sobbed a few times when talking about the conversations the last few days and right up to just before he died.

It was so sad hearing Ging talk about the plans to marry in January. They were hoping to do this earlier but he was getting the ‘sinsot’ or dowry together. It was 200,000 Thai baht. Bear in mind Mai was only 22, nearly 23.

He had graduated with a degree in art. He had been working with timber since he was a young kid. He made furniture for a shop in Ubon and the carved timber shutters on temples you see as well. He was doing well but he also helped on the family farm and still lived at home.

He had just bought a new Toyota Vigo pick-up truck, a down payment of 200,000 baht. Bought his mother a new 42 inch plasma TV, some clothes and other stuff. He was a worker she said, always worked hard.

As we got just outside Ubon I knew that his village was near a village called Ban Pa Ao famous for bronzeware and silk weaving. I have been there twice so getting there was easy and Ging said we actually turn into the road to Pa Ao.

So we turned in and then took the first left, the concrete turned to dirt and it was pitch dark with just trees of fields on each side of this small road. A small turning to the right and down more pitch dark dirt road and Ging started questioning if she had steered us wrong. We stopped and she made a call and we were on the way again. Another 500mtrs and we saw the light of the house.

It is hard to explain the tension in the car, and we had already agreed that Ging and her brother would stay with us overnight as that is what she wanted. We pulled up and was met by Mai’s younger brother who was 18 and with Mai when he died.

He also looked drained, no emotion just shock. Mai’s mother emerged and again no emotion just a very somber mood. I had said I would stay in the car and take a nap but Noot insisted I go inside.

Inside there were about 7 people, a couple of aunts and cousins. We sat down on straw mats and they started chatting. It was very surreal listening to Mai’s mother as she recalled the day and bits and pieces of it. Ging filled in parts and everyone else was quiet.

A few times the mother’s voice cracked as she questioned something was wrong. She talked about that morning before he had left to go and cut rice, he didn’t take a large bottle of Big Cola, a brand of soda here. She said he always took a bottle and she asked him as he was walking out but he said he didn’t want one that day. She said she can never remember him leaving without one.

Ging spoke about him at university complaining of chest pains but never going to the doctor and his mother said the same. I suppose it was them reflecting on what ifs. Ging said how he would call late some nights as he couldn’t sleep and they would talk for hours until early in the mornings and such.

The mother talked about how he had spoken to her that morning about their wedding and how it was going well. His family had given him 100,000 baht toward the dowry and he was working on the rest. It was heart breaking. She then said how a week before their 13 year old nephew had drowned not so far away and had only just had his funeral. It was numbing.

Time sort of stands still at times. Ging spoke to the younger brother and he explained how Mai had returned from the market after buying some scythes for cutting rice. He went upstairs came down and he pointed not 5metres from where we sat and said he just fell over there.

His brother said he couldn’t talk but was trying to reach his phone and his brother gave it to him and was trying to find out what was wrong when he died. His brother made a call to his parents at 4.38pm. Mai had text messaged Ging at 4.30pm saying he was looking forward to seeing her this weekend. They had spoken earlier in the day.

Ging asked for the laptop and I was thinking what was she doing and soon realized that it was photos. At Thai funerals they have a large blown up picture of the deceased on the coffin where people pay respect. She was looking for the right picture.

I am sure Ging was on auto pilot, she scrolled through graduation pictures and found one and cropped it. Started to Photoshop and then asked where the printer was. I quietly told Noot to tell her to take the computer or put the image on a handy drive. You could see she was just not thinking clearly at that point.

Finally we were on our way again, but not home. We were now off to the temple across the road from where we turned into Ban Pa Ao. We made our way toward the crematorium and Ging was obviously feeling so many emotions. We saw the flashing lights draped over the coffin well before we arrived.

We stopped and the girls went and paid their respects, it was heart breaking seeing Ging have to do this. While the girls were doing this I wandered not 20 metres away at the other end of the coffin where a group of men had gathered.

Thai funerals means, food, drink but what they love most is gambling. It is 24hrs a day gambling, cards to dice it is nonstop as long as people have money. The police allow the cards but try and deter the dice games and Hi Lo.

The old and tired faces greeted me with toothless smiles and I was invited to join them but I replied “no thanks as I didn’t know how to play.” An easy way to get out of it.

I was brought back to reality with Noot calling me and we were off home. I didn’t know but as we were driving home I asked what time it was all happening tomorrow and she informed me it was now going to be Saturday. Much better I thought, more time for people to travel and pay respects.

We arrived home around 4.30am and I showered and when I got out everyone was in bed, and asleep by the sounds of it.

It was just a surreal day and makes me think more about treasuring everyday and the people I love. I really don’t know if I would be back blogging tomorrow, next week or month or year. I really have no idea.

The last month there has been many times where I have taken pictures of Ja or other things have popped into my mind and thought of sharing but then time has just got away.

Before it was, “Ja, I am busy and cannot play now, read a book now, play dress up the dolls” and so forth. This all comes first now and always will. When I have spare time I will write as I do enjoy it and like sharing my average life with the amazing people that grace it in a beautiful part of Thailand.

I am becoming a Hallmark card. Cherish every moment, tell the people who you love that you love them and give them a kiss every chance you have. I have a few bridges to build and do hope to do that in the coming months or years with some people.

The next few days I should have plenty of spare time and I am planning on checking on the flood victims but will just see if that goes to plan.

Brunty