Over Parenting or Am I too Insensitive. Thailand.

Each new school year brings tears for parents and also young students. A few of the small primary one students, for the first few days will be tearful, upset and will take a little time to settle into the life of a real student.

It is a big step from kindergarten to primary school. Some make the transformation easily and others it can be a daunting experience. The first few days with the little students can be testing, as in how much leeway you need to show to an upset student.

Parents can be a little overbearing at times. Some parents are great. They arrive with their son or daughter, take their bag to the classroom and say their goodbyes. The small student is then off making new friends.

Other parents are so clingy. They will not be further than a few steps away. They hover around their little one, as if something terrible is about to happen.

Look, I am not against parents worrying about their littlies. Of course this is natural. They are your most important thing in your life. You would protect them till death. But we are talking about them going to school. Being in a controlled environment with plenty of people to help them adjust.

This year all have settled into class well, except for one boy. I will call him ‘Y’. Now Y was fine for the first week of classes. He was quiet but did his work and also participated in class activities.

I did notice on the Friday, 4 days after school had reopened that his mum was still sitting outside the classroom. I went to teach the class on Friday midmorning and Y’s mum came into the room.

I asked her in Thai ‘Can I help you?’ and she replied, “I am going to look at my son, one moment please.”

I let this go as I had only just put my stuff onto the teacher’s desk. She was there for 30 seconds and then went back outside, sitting right outside the class looking through the window at Y.

When the Thai team teacher arrived, I quickly had a word with her to tell the mother to go away from the window. I asked her to politely tell her to sit downstairs until the class was over.

The Thai team teacher came back in and said that Y’s mum asked for more time to watch over her son. I wasn’t going to waste any more time, so I let it ride for the period.

We then spoke to the homeroom teacher to express our concerns and the homeroom teacher then informed us that the mum had been told she couldn’t sit outside the classroom anymore.

Okay, it should be normal on Monday. And it was from Monday to Wednesday. On Thursday I went to the class and did a quick roll call. Y was absent and I asked if he was sick.

The tiny students said he was outside. I looked outside and he wasn’t anywhere to be seen. I left it at that and started the class. The Thai team teacher arrived and I said that Y was missing. A second later he appears hanging onto mum.

I left the team teacher to keep going with the class, I went out to greet the mum and said to Y, “Come on Y, time to study English.”

What happened next was comical, well to me. I am sure to the mum and Y it wasn’t. Y went into a huge tantrum. He started screaming, or wailing in Thai, Mum, Mum, Mum.

Y was stuck to his mum and I reached out and took his arm, with this he did a 20 metre dash down the corridor and fell onto the ground blubbering. I had to hide my laughter.

I was not going to go any further with this. I went into the class. I asked the Thai teacher to tell the mum to take Y away for the class and we would need to speak to her.

Again we spoke to the homeroom teacher, the homeroom teacher was horrified as the mum had been told, enough was enough and she couldn’t be on the first floor anymore. The homeroom teacher then told me to not let Y’s mum be there again. This I didn’t need to be told.

I then found out that this was the subject of discussion amongst many Thai teachers, that being Y’s mum and her being so protective. What was going on?

Today being Friday, I saw Y and his mum arrive just before assembly. Y was walked down to the line up and he clung to her with dear life. The homeroom teacher then pried him away from her and mum was off with his bag, taking it to the classroom.

I was busy and didn’t see what happened after that. If Y’s mum hung around or left. I arrived to teach the class at 10:15am. I went into the class and Y was missing. The students said he had gone home.

It then came to light, the first two periods of the day the class had computer. The mum went to the computer rooms with Y’s class, went into the room and sat in the teacher’s chair. Mum apparently spent the entire two hours fussing over him.

I was ready for a big showdown with her. I spoke to the homeroom teacher; we need to meet with her. We need to inform the school security that she cannot remain at the school during school hours. She can drop him off, take his bag to the class but when assembly starts, she leaves.

Then in the afternoon just as I had stood up to go teach the final class of the day and week, Y and his mum walked into the EBP department. The made way to our Department Head, I have no idea what was said, yet.

I taught last class, and then had a small problem with my primary 5 class. I am the homeroom teacher and 3 students were caught fighting. Nothing too serious, but it was a real disagreement that I needed to nip in the butt there and then.

Come Monday, I will be finding out exactly what was said or discussed. I will say it here are now that I don’t care if she has pleaded to be allowed to stay for a little while longer, to watch over Y, this will not be happening. It won’t happen for my class. The other teachers can allow this, good for them.

Am I being too insensitive? Am I out of touch and should allow the mum to keep shadowing Y?

I personally think that she is being too protective. I had no problems with him for the first week, not a thing. We all have to let our kids fly at some time. We cannot shelter them for all their lives.

There are times when we have to trust others to look after, guide, discipline and parent in a way our own children. I know this is hard. I do empathise with the mum of Y, but I also have a job to do and it would be a lot easier for me and also for Y if she lets her son go, let him discover all the things that life throws at you from a young age.

Brunty