Thailand. Losing Face. What Does it Mean?

This is a story from good old Pattaya but can and does happen all over Thailand. A Thai man that was more than likely drunk walks past a neighbours and abuses another person. This person takes offence (loses face) and then retaliates. The man who yells gets confronted by the other. They both lose face to each other. One takes a weapon and kills the other. http://www.pattayacitynews.net/news_18_08_50_2.htm

The issue of losing “Face” here in Thailand is something that no westerner can really understand. I still cannot get my head around the idiocy that involves it. I will try to describe what it is.

Face is extremely important in Thailand. I’m not referring to the physical meaning of face here. There’s nothing wrong with that. Lots of Thai girls have very pretty faces actually.

It’s the concept of gaining or - more importantly – losing face. The definition of “face” would be “a state of being respected by others”. In order to avoid losing face – or making others lose it - Thais will always try to avoid confrontation. If a waiter in a restaurant screws up your order and brings you fishballs instead of the dish you actually ordered, most people won’t send it back or make a fuss about it. The waiter might lose face. So what? Well, by embarrassing him this way, you too will be considered as having lost face. It really is a lose-lose situation. You can either eat your smelly fishballs or lose face.

“This is true as I have ordered meals and when they are disgusting I have gone to tell the waiter/waitress and my girlfriend will give me the most threatening look, She would rather push the dish aside and leave without saying anything. Avoid confrontation.Other examples include a co-worker not doing his/her job properly, a travel agent booking you on the wrong sightseeing trip, a taxi driver taking you to a completely different part of town than the one you wanted to go to, etc. You are not supposed to complain or get angry and consequently make people – including yourself - lose face. Just accept these mishaps and grin and bear it. Not always easy for Westerners.

Again I have been guilty of this as it’s so hard for a foreigner to just accept totally ineptness. It is in our blood to express our view to someone if you think they have done wrong.

Example: I bought a 900 baht iron from Big C Shopping Centre. Not even 2 months had past and the dial that adjusts the heat setting started to stick and would not wind properly. So I dug out the receipt and headed to over to Big C.

When I first told Noot what I was doing she looked at me like I was mad, she said the most used Thai saying in Thailand “Mai Pen Rai” or never mind. I replied “I do mind” and she reluctantly came along. A long story short I went to the electrical department that told me to take the iron to the manufacturer at the other end of Ubon. I told them that they could take that idea and stick it in their ass. Noot had left me at Big C and walked home when she saw I was going to stand there and argue with these people. I wanted to see the store manager who wasn’t there and returned the next day to continue the disagreement with them.

After this eventually got worked out Noot was too embarrassed to go to Big C for a while as she had lost face being there with me and I had lost face complaining like I had. I cannot understand for the life of me how Thais come to accept bad service like this. The face thing mainly prevents confrontation from taking place. People will hardly ever shout at each other or get angry. Even silent complaints are rare. I don’t mind people not arguing, but when it starts to affect the good running of a business – private company or government agency – I think it’s gone too far. Let’s face it: pissing off customers is economic suicide for private companies and constantly trying to avoid loss of face means avoiding responsibilities. “That’s probably why pencil pushers at Thai ministries are incredibly slow when you need to get something done.

”“Gaining face”, on the other hand, can be easily done by displaying wealth. Again, it’s something rather unheard of most Western cultures. Spending lots of money on gold, Johnnie Walker Black Label, BMWs or Mercedes all have a common purpose: gain face. Of course, you have to make sure everyone can see your newly acquired wealth. So wear a highly visible, thick, gold chain or bracelet around your neck or wrist, drink Black Label in the company of others, and cruise the streets in your highly overpriced German car (thanks to the 300% import tax). Although I am not in the least impressed by people showing off their alleged wealth like this – after all, they might be heavily indebted to the banks – it will gain them lots of face and respect from Thais. If you look at these people when they walk around and how other Thais bow and duck and weave for them it is very comical to watch.

I remember meeting the Number 1 man of the Army base here in Ubon Ratchathani. It had been arranged for us to play golf together (a very Face building activity) with 4 other Thai guys. Well, he was an incredibly nice guy and spoke a little English. The funny thing was the way the other Thai men in the group reacted to him. It was like he was a royal and the people in my group bowed and “waied” him. He had 2 caddies that were running here and there and also an army guy helping as well.

I remember when he walked over and put out his hand and I shook it and said “hello” to him. I remember grabbing his forearm with my left hand as we shook hands and this brought back a memory of me doing this and being told once before by a Thai teacher that this is considered rude by a person of higher stature. I remember replying to her “This is how I shake hands and if they don’t like it then stiff shit to them.” We played 9 holes of golf and it was fun and we had a good time and I really enjoyed watching the caddies run around headless.
I treat my caddy like a human and she/he doesn’t have to do all that crap that the other Thai guys seem to get off on.

I cannot express to anyone who travels to Thailand that trying to be cool and level headed is paramount here. In some situations it could get you in a situation that you might not get out of in one piece. If in a bar and some Thai boys are saying shit in your direction or staring at you just look away and don’t say anything. Get up and walk away, go to another bar.

You say something to them and cause them to lose face then all hell could break out and Thai guys don’t fight fair, it could be 10 on 2 and this is fair for them. They carry and will use weapons without a second thought.

I often forget this when riding my motorbike as anyone who has been on a Thai road will understand the unbelievably bad standard of driving here. They are ignorant to laws and courtesy. They simply don’t think about other road users at all. I always get frustrated and angry with Thai drivers, just on Sunday I was going to teach at my friend’s school and on the way I was cut off by a pick-up truck really badly. He was totally at fault and I jumped on my horn for a good 5 seconds. When I went around him I gave him a mouthful. I think from memory I said {use your fuc*ing eyes you cockhead” or something like that.

I forget this can get me in a lot of trouble if I happen to come across the wrong person. Maybe he chases me in his car and knocks me off of my bike. We stop and stand toe to toe and he has a gun or weapon. I wouldn’t mind if it was a fair fight but the reality of this would be near nil.

If approached the right way, Thais are the most helpful and generous people on earth. Ignore their cultural ways at your peril !!

So that’s my advice for people traveling here in Thailand. Try and be thoughtful of this “face” thing even though it is so hard for us “Farangs” to swallow.

Brunty