The days of Dallas are returning to the Far North East of Thailand. You see my mother in law has returned from her attempt of finding work in Bangkok again. She didn’t even last 2 weeks as I thought would be the case.
She did this exact thing about 6 months ago and went to work as a maid for some people in a nice house but again the job didn’t last as she continually complained of a sore back and other ailments. This time I have no idea why she didn’t stay in Bangkok and even if she found work. You see my lovely girlfriend’s mother is nothing more than a useless leech that if it doesn’t have something to suck onto and bleed it will slowly die.
Is this too harsh? I don’t think so. Noot’s mother Ma has never really had a job in her life. You see she married her husband or Noot’s father Pa when she was just shy of her 15th birthday. When you work the maths out it means that Ma must have been pregnant at this time as her eldest daughter Joom and her age adds up. Pa was 12 years senior to her and this means he was 27. In Australia Pa would have been spending some good quality time in a lovely facility with 3 square meals a day and also an hours exercise a day.
So what it comes down to is Ma never finished school and she had two babies by the time she was 17. Ma has never really worked a day in her life and she doesn’t seem to want to either. She works on the farm and does odds and ends in the village but to hold down a real job seems a mission impossible. I don’t care if you have never lifted a finger or learnt anything a job like working as a cleaner at a hotel isn’t really that hard to do one would think. Sadly for Ma it must have been as the job only lasted a week and then it was off to Bangkok for a new quest.
When I found out about Ma being back home in the village I simply told Noot it was good to see her mother failed again at being a normal person and holding down a job. I informed Noot that I would not be giving Ma one cent from now on. All the money that comes out of my pocket has to be accounted for. I will handle all the money now for the next few months and this makes me feel bad as I trust Noot but she has a soft heart and is Ma came asking for money she would give it too her.
So now all money will be accounted for, every red cent spent by us. It’s silly having to do this but I have to do it. I want Ma to know that she will not be getting a free ride from me anymore. I used to give her 2,000 baht a month for living and all other expenses but that stopped after her last brief attempt at work and venture to Bangkok which I also deflated my bank account by 2,000 baht.
The sad thing Noot knows her mum is bloody hopeless and when I talked to her about Ma not being able to stay in a job she said Ma wasn’t good at work. I had worked this out. She has at times had really good verbal fights with her mum at times and many times we have made a quick exit from the village. There have been times when Noot hasn’t spoke to her mum for weeks and at times we hadn’t been to the village for over a month.
I have even asked Noot at times if she wanted to go and spend the night in the village on a weekend and the answer is usually, no. The last time we actually stayed in the village here near Ubon Ratchathani was, to tell you the truth I cannot even remember it was that long ago. I would say at least 5-6 months ago.
We actually go to her village where she was brought up as a little baby more often and stay there for 2 or 3 nights each time. The village is 80 kilometres away and is on the mighty Mekong River. It’s far enough from any major town or city that it is a very nice and peaceful place to go. Admittedly there isn’t a lot to do there except go fishing, walk around and talk to the little kids who are always amazed to see a white skin farang in the little village.
I like this village as it is still pretty well uncorrupted like the villages around Ubon. The young people aren’t all drunks and are no hopers and just ride up and down on their motorbikes to the shops to get more Thai whiskey. Don’t get me wrong there are still the village drunks and but most of them work through the day not like many others in Ubon villages who just lay around under thatched huts and drink to they pass out and then wake up and do it again.
So the next few weeks should be interesting but I am sure I will not see Ma as she got an earful from me before she left for Bangkok and I told her then that she was hopeless and couldn’t work to save herself. I also told her I wouldn’t be giving her anymore money and if she is Thai she would be losing a lot of face by showing up on my doorstep looking or asking for anything.
I am hoping the next time I see her will be a long time from now as she really isn’t in my favourite book at this time and will be a hard long road back into it. Well it will never happen I am sure.
So that’s episode 5 of Dallas in Isaan country finished for the time being but I am sure that more will be on the way and only adds to the excitement of living here in Thailand. How boring would life be otherwise?
Brunty
11 comments:
Hang in there and be careful of criticising her Mom TOO much.
You know how important the family structure is there. As refreshing as it is; these are the problems that rear their heads.
Do you have a favorite spot you like to go away from home for the night? Your girlfriend and yourself could take a 'mini-vacation' and that may help things.
I am sure things will work out fine.
Oh, by the way; my phone erased your number; PLEASE email it to me again sorry. I had to reset my entire phone; it was not cool at all!
It's a pretty good chance that this type of thing you're doing is a relationship breaker. You're dictating to a Thai girl how she is going to deal with her family, which is a big no-no.
You should give your girlfriend a certain amount of money each month, and let her decide whether or not she should give any of it to her mother or family.
Telling a Thai girl that you have decided that she can no longer give money to her mother (whether the Thai girl agrees with you at the moment or not) is a recipe for disaster.
I have to agree with the last two replies in as much that a farang will in most cases have to compromise over thai family. If you love your gf and are deep into a relationship with her then you must bend now to take into consideration the family and any issues they have drinking and/or with lack of work. There is a history there from what I have read in your posts and this is likely to continue while you are there or long after you have gone. One thing is for sure do not try and change them 'cause you will be wasting you time. I'm happily married to a Thai and have been now for 8 years with two kids. Living over in Thailand for two years before marriage gave me time enough to meet family and see what they were made of. Some cases of failed relationships between thai/farang's are because the farang has not spent enough time with the partner's family beforehand and that is the main source of frustration which drives them a part. One thing is for sure the problems with sisters and mother will not suddenly dissapear so its down to you and your feelings over your partner. Love her, love her family or if you have doubts....my advice is get out and meet someone with less family baggage. Forgive me if this sounds harsh I know but nevertheless true and honest. In the end I wish you and your partner all the happiness in the world and in the absence of her family getting involved that's most problably what you will have a long and happy life together.
off the subject here, but if I wanted to go from Chiang Mai to Issan and spend like 3 days what's the best way to go about it and recommendations for places to see...should I just see Udon or it it better to visit several places if I only have 3 or so days? Thanks...
Hey Franky. I know I shouldn't but cannot help it she makes me so frustrated. Yes, Thai family is very important as we all know. A mini vacation will be on the cards soon as i get a months holiday at the end of semester 2 and I am Thinking of going to Singapore or maybe Veitnam or somewhere but not to sure.
I wish the village was 100 kilometres away instead of 20 and I am sure it would be better then.
I will email you my number Franky.
Hey Jil. Yes, this could lead to destruction and like you said a Thai girl being told what and what not to do about anything little only family can cause problems.
I do give Noot money every week. She gets 60 baht a day for lunch at university and then I give her 300 baht a week to buy a shirt or shoes or whatever. She doesn't have any overheads at all as I cover the fuel and everything else you can think of.
I am waiting for her mum to ask for money again to plant the rice (last year it cost me 6,000 baht all up with all the stuff involved). She still hasn't planted yet and if the time comes that she wants money she will not be getting a red cent.
If Noot gives her mum money from her allowance if you like to call it that's totally up to her I agree but when Noot runs herself short of money and then is too embarresed to tell me she gave me money to her lazy ass mum this pisses me off. Thai family can't live with them and cannot get rid of them...
I get angry as her mum is healthy and not even over 40 but doesn't know what an honest days work is. When I see these 50-60 year olds walking the streets selling from pushcarts fruit and food I get angry as her mum is too lazy to even attempt something like this.
I would buy a little business for her but she is very uneducated and not even street smart so I know she would just run it into the ground and it would cause more conflict as I would be trying to balance books and find out where this and that has disappeared too. A the fun of mother in laws.
Hey Jay. I know that this is the case and read it many times before about the farang having to bend and bow to Thai families to keep their girl.
I know that the problems now like her mum being lazy, useless at working, drinking too much and so on continuing for a long time.
I love Noot 110%. She is an amazing girl. I love her younger sister the same, Joom is a different girl from when she lived with me but I still don't trust her and mum well you know how I feel there.
I have told Noot that I don't want Ma in my house in Ubon and that if she needs anything not to come here when I am around as she isn't welcome. I know I am being to farang but am just really peeved at the moment and I am sure will simmer down with time well I hope so as now everytime I think of her my blood starts to boil.
Thanks to all for your views and advice and I am taking it all on board.
Brunty.
Great advice from everyone.
I think too that when you married your girlfriend (and you ARE married) then you married her mom. When the father died, you became husband to two women. Really, if you want to keep things happy at home (and you do), I agree - let your wife give it to the mom out of her money - but make sure she has enough to give. 2000 baht per month if it keeps you sane - and mom out of your hair - is well worth it.
Just be glad old mom doesn't have another husband by now because you'll be supporting both of them soon. !HA!
Vern
Hey Vern,
Yes I am married in the villages eyes and we all know that. You spend one night in the village under the same roof in the same room and you are hitched.
Yeah 2,000 baht is nothing but I like to throw a spanner in the works to let mum know I am not going to be walked over with her shit.
I love Noot a lot and she is a great girl.
I want mum to have a small business that I am more than willing to invest money into but the thing is she is so lazy and incompetent that I am 99% sure she would screw it up. I would end up pulling my hair out.
I have been looking at some cows for breeding and this seems like a good option. They have the land 15 Rai for them to graze on and I am sure mum couldn't screw up looking
after some cows but again I am not sure.
So there could be 5 or 6 cows coming soon to join my family it just comes down to if I can trust Ma and the price my friend is finding out for me.
All very good comments and ideas for me. Thanks to all.. Brunty
I agree with Franky. However much you complain about it, Noot can't change her mum, and you only make her feel bad about her own family.
Brunty, when you take posession of the cows, make absolutely sure that _you_ sign for the delivery. Thai law states that he who signs, owns regardless of who pays (a tactic very often played against farangs). get it straight that you own the cows or else there will be hell to pay when you go to sell one. my suggestion is to graze them on land that Ma doesn't own so she is technically an employee. that is unless you just want to buy them and give them to her.
Hey Thamawat. I know that it irritates Noot and I wish I could bite my lip better sometimes when the words just fall out of my very large mouth.
Hey MJ thanks for the Info. My good friend one of the very few Thais who I can trust is checking some things out for me now.
I will sign for the cows as if I didn't there would be a good possibility they would disappear one day in the aim of a few quick easy dollars. There is plenty of land to grave the cows on but I would probably as you said have Ma as an employee and have written contract that states the cows garze on her land for a monthly price and she recieves a monthly wage and so forth.
It will all be very proper.
Brunty
good deal Brunty. gotta be careful in the Land of Lies.
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