Thailand. Mother in Law Crisis. Maybe a Torrid Time Ahead.

Well I made my beautiful girlfriend really angry with me. I don’t blame her for being angry either but she cannot see things from my perspective.

Noot’s mother is a lovely lady and I get along with her okay. I have had my little disagreements with her but this is common with mother in laws, isn’t it?. I have a hard time when I go to the village and see rubbish lying around the outside of the house. Dishes piled up that haven’t been washed for a few days. 15 cats in the house pestering you for the food you are eating. 30 empty beer bottles being saved for the recycling man to pick up sitting against a wall.

Okay none of these things are terrible or really bad you say and I agree to a certain point. But I support Noot’s mum. I give her mum 2,000 baht a month (500 each week) and I pay all the bills. This is more than enough for her living by herself in the village in Isaan. But so often over the last 18 months since her husband or Noot’s father passed away (that story here.My saddest day in Thailand) she has really had me at the edge of losing my composure at her completely.

There has been a few times where words have been said and they were not kind at all. But again that’s me and I am not going to be Thai and not say what the problem is. Thai people will not confront someone about a problem they just try and ignore it and of course it grows and gets bigger they never go away.

Noot’s mum really lost it for a while after her husband died and nearly every time I went to the village there would be 5-10 people at the house sitting around drinking and singing karaoke. Okay I gave her a grace period of well over 6 months and then that was it. I had had enough.

One day while visiting and finding Noot’s mother drunk as a skunk I simply asked her if she was going to end up like her husband, a drunk and a bum and dead well before her time and Why was she always drunk every time I saw her? As you can imagine this didn’t go down well and she took offence and started telling me I was wrong! I wasn’t wrong it was the hard simple truth she didn’t like.

She had received a payout from the death benefit trust of around 70,000 baht and that was gone with in 8 months. Where it went I do not know but I have a really good idea.

In an Isaan village when someone has money they will also have a lot of instant friends. Also a lot of their family and friends from all over the Isaan area come and ask for loans for this and that. But mostly it goes on partying. I saw it with my own eyes. Noot’s mum told me that she had leant money to this person and that person when I enquired about where all the money had gone. This person needed money for a deposit on a motorbike another for their kids schooling and so on. Was this true? I still don’t know to this day.

Thai people and money are hopeless. So many of them live from paycheck to paycheck and do not understand the idea of banking money for a rainy day. I know this is really hard when they already earn so little. I have forgotten the number of times I have been asked to loan money to Thai people which I always reply that I don’t have. It’s easier to say that even if it isn’t the truth.

Noot’s mother asked many times for extra money and I always wanted to know what for. What was she buying that she couldn’t afford from the money she was already getting? The answers were usually some bullsh*t that I couldn’t understand and I would often give the money angrily as I could tell Noot was getting upset.

Well those days are long and truly gone now. I trust Noot 100% with our money but I know she has a big heart and cannot say no to her mum. So I now control all our money down to the last dime/cent.

I give Noot an allowance every week for university and also her younger sister. I give her mum her 500 baht every week and the rest of the money no one else can touch. It’s locked away under my control. Not long ago Noot asked for some money for mum and the reason for the extra money couldn’t be explained to me and I couldn’t understand so I simply refused and told Noot, No. This didn’t go well and I think we didn’t speak for 3 days.

Isaan people treasure their families but families leech off of each other. The idea of a 40 year old woman and man sitting around doing nothing when she/he is perfectly healthy enough to work really irritates me. This is a common sight in villages. Send the young daughters and sons off to find work to support them.

Now, Noot’s mother has finally found a job and it’s in Ubon Ratcahani. I am happy as I think this is a great idea as it will keep her busy and out of the village. The problem this has brought is that Noot thinks her mum is going to move in with us in the city. I quickly knocked that idea on the head.

I know that Noot loves her mum very much and I think that’s great but I am not having my mother in law living with me. It will be for a month I said and if the new job lasts then she can move in with Noot’s older sister or I will find a room for her.

I told Noot this and it went down sideways and again I am being given the silent treatment. I am not going to be subjected to village lifestyle while living in the city. I have a place for everything in my house and an order I really like. It has only been for 5 days now and already once I had 4 older village ladies in my house in the evening with my mosquito screen doors wide open and shit laying all through the lounge room. This was a 100% piss off for me.

I told Noot I don’t want Noot’s mothers friends in my house, 1 reason being I don’t know them and 2 I don’t trust them. I don’t run a halfway house.

This sounds greedy and rude and so many other things but if you have lived and been in Isaan for a while then you would see it a little different. Could it drive Noot and I apart? I don’t think so. I hope not. But I am not going to have mum living with us, it’s that simple. Noot will come around in a few days maybe. But until then it is very peaceful and quiet and I have been living like a bachelor the last few nights and it hasn’t been too bad.

Am I being greedy? Am I being too Farang? Am I out of line? Am I heartless? These are questions I have asked myself again and again and I come up with the answer, No.

I am not sure how my readers would feel being in the same situation and Thailand is such a different kettle of fish. There are so many things that I worry will go wrong and but maybe they wont. Maybe I am just too paranoid. I will find out over the next few weeks while the temporary living arrangements are continuing but the last 5 nights haven’t been too bad but they also haven’t been the peace and quiet I am used too. Man I am only 35 and sounding like a 60 year old retiree.

The Thai karaoke is starting to get on my nerves a lot. It used to be once or twice a week but it’s been every night and it isn’t like listening to an angel sing, more like a cross between a cat and a dog fight and the dog is chewing on the cat really badly. Also the non stop Laos of Isaan dialect and why are they screaming at each other they are only 4 or 5 metres apart.

I am locking myself in my bedroom and listening to music while I am working on the computer, sort of a prisoner in my own home at the moment. Well, I will try and stay calm and sane over the coming days and weeks and try and be more Thai than farang and then I should survive. All I have to say is “Mai Pen Rai” Never Mind.

Brunty.